So, as I was watching The Bachelor’s finale episode, a few things stood out to me and I thought I would take a few minutes to talk about them because they were thoughts that struck a chord with how I view relationships and what it takes from people to have healthy, successful ones.
Everyone in America (literally, everyone) loved Tenley. I would be lying if I didn’t admit to being 100% on the Team Tenley train. But I think that Jake didn’t choose her because she didn’t need him. Sure, she loved him and wanted to spend her life with him, but she was a whole, complete person without him. Her past experiences strengthened her and made her more sensitive to that which she is seeking in a relationship and she wasn’t willing to go for anything less. Makes me wonder if Jake wondered where he could fit in her life. The man struck me as having a serious hero-complex. All he was lacking was a cape. And maybe some red tighties.
Vienna, on the other hand, was a great big ball of need. Constantly saying things like, “I don’t know who I’d be without you” and “I’m not complete without you” fed Jake’s desire to be a rescuer. Combined with the fact that he was naturally drawn to “protect” her from the other women and is it really any surprise that he picked her?
Whether or not I agree that she’s as great as he thinks she is is beside the point of this post (for the record, I think she’s a hot mess). I was most interested in the idea of completion. As in, is it possible that we are living our lives incompletely until we meet “The One”?
Personally, I think that people should only get into prospective marriage relationships once they’ve found that they can be whole, complete people all by themselves. I love my husband and our life together and now that I’ve found him, I’d never want to be in a position that leaves me without him. I think that we complement each other well and that together we make a pretty awesome team. But I can also honestly say that I know still I’m a whole person aside from him. I don’t need him to complete me but I love have him walking each step of our married life right beside me, in tandem.
I don’t know that I can honestly say that relationships that are made up of two people who are dependent on the other for the completion of their identities are the healthiest and best ideas in the world. Co-dependency is just the top of the list of potential problems I think of when I hear instances of people wishing for relationships because they know that that’s all that’s missing to “complete” them.
All that to say, I saw in Tenley that she has a grasp on her identity that’s admirable and it made me think of people, relationships, and marriage. I don’t know that anyone reads this, and for all I know, I’m still just writing to myself, but should anyone feel inclined, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. 🙂